Crazy to say that I’m 36 weeks as of today, and in no time at all, baby girl #2 will be making her appearance. I can’t wait to meet her, cuddle and kiss her, see her beautiful features and expand our family. We seriously can’t wait. And to say that time has been flying by this pregnancy would be an understatement. I’ve been wanting to create this journal post for weeks now (maybe months) but seriously — time has just been slipping away. So I figured I needed to create this before it was too late, because I feel like she could come ANY time.
I’m not the first to say this and I definitely won’t be the last — pregnancy #2 is nothing like your first pregnancy. In some ways yes, but for the most part, it’s a completely different experience. And this can totally depend on the woman and the circumstances, but I think in at least some ways, we all have some differences between pregnancy 1 vs. 2 (or 3 or 4).
There are obviously quite a few physical changes that are going to happen with each pregnancy — that’s a given. Our bodies are going to change in so many ways and there’s a chance that may be different with each pregnancy. Some of my biggest physical changes this time have been: really bad headaches (which thankfully are almost completely gone), exhaustion like I’ve never experienced, so much acne on my face, feeling baby girl VERY low, pretty bad back pain and super super dry skin. I was going to dive deeper into this and discuss things like insecurities, expectations vs. reality, body changes, the “bounce back”, etc. but I decided for this post, I want to share a more vulnerable side of things in regards to this pregnancy experience for me. I’ll definitely come back to those topics in the near future though.
I’ll start by saying that overall, this pregnancy has been nothing short of amazing. And that doesn’t necessarily have to do with anything physical, but more about my circumstances, mental health, and growth since I was pregnant 3 years ago — I’m in a much better place in my personal life. My husband and I are also in a completely different world than when I was pregnant with Kyndrik — a night and day difference to say the least, in the best way possible. My daughter and my husband have played the biggest role in my overall happiness during this pregnancy and I really couldn’t imagine going through it without them. And I just have an amazing support system and so many people who encourage me, support me and love me. I’m also one of those women who like being pregnant, even with the everyday struggles that we face. Things like having to roll to get out of bed, dropping something on the ground and just leaving it because it’s too much effort to get it, having to go to the bathroom 27 times per day and 12 times per night, sweating trying to tie your shoes or shave your legs (I won’t even get into other areas of shaving lol), getting used to the dark line on my stomach or the belly button that popped out overnight. I honestly love it all and I’ll miss it as soon as it’s over. But I’ll be honest and say that it’s also been a little tougher than my first pregnancy in more ways than one. It definitely hasn’t been easy. And it’s been different in a lot of ways.
big sis, lil sis
This time around, instead of spending most of my time relaxing or prepping for baby girl, I’ve spent my time chasing around a toddler - an almost 3 year old (which I don’t even want to talk about). But I honestly wouldn’t have any other way - I’ve absolutely loved having Kyndrik be a part of this experience with us. Her baby sister isn’t even here yet, and I already am getting a glimpse into how much love she’s going to have for her when she arrives. She’s without a doubt going to be the best big sister, and I can’t even wait to witness it. She’s constantly kissing my belly, hugging my belly and talking to the baby - it’s seriously one of the sweetest things I’ve ever seen.
It is a little intimidating to think of the transition and changes that we’re going to experience. Making sure I’m meeting all of baby girl’s needs, while also giving Kyndrik the love and attention she deserves. Making sure that my husband and I are continuing to build our marriage so that we can be the best version of ourselves and the best role models for our girls. Making sure that I make/take time to take care of my mental and physical health, while being the best mom I can be. It’s all a little intimidating, but I’m honestly not worried. Kyndrik is one of the most loving little girls I’ve ever seen and I’m confident that she’ll be such a good big sister. And my husband is the best dad ever — literally. So I know that we will be able to adjust to whatever changes are about to come our way and continue filling our home with love.
emotions
I think my husband would agree with this one, but I’m very emotional this pregnancy. I’m pretty sure I’ve cried for sure every other day, but probably more like everyday if I’m being real. I mean I’ve cried over little things, silly things, big things .... all the things. Although some of the tears have come from hormones and me being extra (extra extra) sensitive right now, this pregnancy in general has come with so many different emotions that I really wasn’t expecting to feel. And that’s nothing to be ashamed of or judged about — it’s okay to feel different emotions, especially when you’re about to bring another human into the world. It’s the most exciting time and full of so much joy, but it can also be scary. It can be overwhelming. It can be emotional. That’s just the truth of it. There are so many changes that are going to happen, whether it’s your 1st, 2nd or 3rd, so it’s inevitable to experience a range of emotions. And this is all on top of our everyday circumstances we’re dealing with. So it’s completely normal and OKAY — and don’t let anyone make you think/feel otherwise.
I’ll share something that I got emotional about a few weeks ago, that I’ve honestly felt a little guilty about. I’m just going to be as vulnerable and real as I can be, so hopefully there’s no judgement here. At the beginning of this month, I realized this will most likely be the last month with JUST Kyndrik. I instantly started crying and felt super sad about it, then a few minutes later I felt bad that I even was thinking that way. “We’re about to bring another beautiful baby girl into the world, so that’s nothing to be sad about. I should be thankful for that. End of story”. And obviously I couldn’t be more excited about our baby girl, but does that mean I can’t feel a little bit of sadness about that? No. It just means that I’m processing through different emotions. It’s been just us for almost 3 years. I’ve stayed at home with her everyday since she was born. Besides my husband and close circle of family and friends, she’s been my whole world. She’s my best friend and the person I’m around more than anyone else. So I shouldn’t feel any shame for that — no one should. Because when it comes down to it, the emotion I feel more than anything is pure joy. I’m SO ready and unbelievably excited to be bringing another baby girl into our world.
As moms, I feel like we’re conditioned to think something similar to these thoughts — I’m blessed (too blessed to be stressed, as us millennials used to say). I have children. I’m pregnant. Some people can’t even get pregnant. I have nothing to be upset about. I can’t let anyone know I’m sad about ____ because then it’ll seem like I’m not grateful. I have to keep it all together. I can’t show that I’m failing in ____ because I want to seem like a “good mom”. I mean I could go on and on. But we are WOMEN aka some of the most emotional people ever who also try to take on everything with no help. That’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s just the truth. And I know we don’t like when men tell us that we’re emotional, but hopefully it’s acceptable coming from another woman/mama/emotional human. And if you’re anything like me who’s extremely sensitive on top of being your average emotional woman, that means WE ARE GOING TO CRY. We are going to experience sadness or frustration or emotions that we may feel like we “shouldn’t have”. That doesn’t mean we aren’t grateful for what/who we have. That doesn’t mean we don’t love our children or our lives. It just means that, sometimes, being a mom is hard. Being pregnant is hard. So let’s give ourselves a little break and accept the fact that it’s okay to feel different emotions, even during times of happiness/bliss/joy.
pandemic pregnancy
Another thing that’s played a pretty big role in this pregnancy experience has to do with how our world has been. I’m sure any woman who has been pregnant in the last year or so or is currently pregnant knows what I’m saying. It’s been freaking hard. Being pregnant in the midst of a pandemic is no joke, and honestly much more difficult than I could have imagined. Things have looked and will continue to look so different. For the most part of this pregnancy, I haven’t gone anywhere or seen anyone outside of the people I live with (it’s been a little better the last month or two, but still). Not getting to be around your people as much, or at all, is hard. Only being allowed to have your significant other at some of your doctors appointments, if at all, is hard. And the fear of bringing a child into the world with all of the unknowns happening around us is very scary. The list could go on. But I will say, although it’s felt very lonely and isolating at times, I’m lucky enough to have my husband and daughter, as well as my immediate family around me. If I didn’t have them, I’m not sure how I would be handling this pregnancy - I’d probably be crying 3 times per day instead of just once LOL.
knowledge/mini birth story
With this pregnancy, I can say that I’m MUCH more educated and knowledgeable in the area of pregnancy, labor and birth in general. When I was pregnant with Kyndrik, I don’t remember ever “prepping” my body for birth. Which now, knowing what I do, seems crazy. I was kind of just enjoying the moment and thinking that my birthing experience would go somewhat like I’d hoped for. I knew that it might not go exactly as planned in my head, but I didn’t know that I could be doing things to help her and help myself prepare for the best experience possible. Which I believe is why I ended up having a C-Section. There is nothing at all wrong with C-Sections. I’m proud of mine and proud of what I went through to have Kyndrik. We’re all strong and amazing and resilient, regardless of how our child came into the world. That’s just not how I pictured it at all for myself.
Without going completely into my birth story (which I’ve never shared before, so that might be in the works too), here’s a little glimpse into what my experience was like vs. what I thought it would be like. I planned on having a pretty natural birth with Kyndrik. No epidural. And definitely no C-Section. I was determined to do what I felt like I should be capable of doing as a woman and as a mother. Which is why I was in labor for 48 hours. I’m a pretty stubborn person, but at some point during those 48 hours, I ended up with an epidural (actually 3, but I’ll save the details for my actual story) and eventually, a C-Section. Let me back up and say that I was induced two days after her due date. Something that I, again, wasn’t knowledgeable about. At the time, we were ready for Kyndrik to be here and the doctor suggested it, so we just went with it. But the problem was, she just wasn’t ready to come out yet. Simple and plain. She wasn’t ready. And if I would have known what I do now in regards to the labor process, ways to prep for it and ways to help the baby get in position and ready for birth, I think it all would have gone extremely differently.
I’ve decided to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) this time around, so I’ve been very intentional with educating myself on how to have a successful one. Here are a few things I’ve done to prepare: I’ve watched several videos, I’ve done so much reading, followed doulas and labor/delivery nurses on social media, I’ve been having my good friend (who wants to become a doula and is very educated on the topic) share her knowledge with me, I’ve been doing exercises that prep my body, lots of yoga, drinking/eating certain things that also prep my body and I’ve been going to the chiropractor - all things that I had no knowledge about while being pregnant with Kyndrik and all things that will hopefully set me up to have the best birth possible. I’m obviously anxious and a little nervous for the experience, but I’m also excited because I know I can do it. And if for some reason, it doesn’t go as planned, I still know that I’ve done all that I can and that’s enough to be proud of.
