My First Year as a Mother / 13 Things I've Learned
My daughter, Kyndrik, turns one this week (so crazy) — so I thought it would be fun to share what I’ve learned throughout my first year of being her mama. This year has been the best year of my life, and I will forever be so grateful for my angel - she’s taught me more things that I could have ever dreamed of and is absolutely everything to me. I’m hoping this can relate to all you new moms or can help all of you soon-to-be new moms!
Everyone’s journey is different -- from the birth itself, to the sleep schedules and routines (or lack of sleep, I should say), to the “breastfeeding vs formula feeding” decisions and struggles, to the milestones of your babe, to YOUR postpartum journey and postpartum body. It does no good to compare or judge -- all of our stories are so different and unique to our babies, and that’s what makes them so beautiful.
Speaking of “breastfeeding vs formula feeding” -- if you are FEEDING your baby, that’s what is most important. If you are not able to or chose not to breastfeed your baby, you are still an amazing mother. I went through the emotional phase of feeling extreme disappointment in myself and sadness because my breastfeeding journey was not what I expected or wanted at all. I never exclusively breastfed Kyndrik because I simply didn’t produce enough for her. I took supplements, lactation cookies, saw lactation consultants, pumped, pretty much everything I could have to try and exclusively breastfeed. We also had quite a few challenges along the way that made it difficult for us, like tongue-tie and infections, but I was determined to at least nurse her a couple times a day. It eventually went down to one time per day and then we stopped around 8 months. But it wasn’t easy -- I cried a lot in the beginning, and towards the end. I just felt guilty. And I felt like a bad mom at times. Because along with it being the healthier and cheaper option, I consumed my mind with “I can’t give Kyndrik the one thing mothers should be able to naturally give their babies”. But I eventually realized that I AM giving her what she needs -- she is fed, she is cared for and she is loved. Jordan (my husband) had to remind me more than once that I was a great mom, regardless of my breastfeeding experience. So whether you have had a difficult experience with breastfeeding, you’re in the middle of your journey now, or you are a soon-to-be mama, just know that breastfeeding does not define you as a mother, and if you need to or choose to formula feed your babe, you’re doing a wonderful job.
Adjusting to being a new mom can be challenging in a number of ways, but trust me when I say - you will start to feel more comfortable, strong, and confident, and turn into a better mom than you probably could have imagined. Before having Kyndrik, I was so worried that I didn’t know enough and I was nervous to bring her home (I mean, caring for a HUMAN- scary right?), but everything became natural so incredibly quick. Now it’s weird to even think about not being a mom and caring for a tiny human that depends solely on you.
You will have challenges and successes in the same day. In fact, that’ll happen most days. Your day might start off with a super fussy baby, who just pooped everywhere, spit up on you as soon as you changed your shirt from the last spit up stain and is crying uncontrollably… but then two hours later, they smile at your for the first time, they give you the sweetest giggle, or they sleep for 5 hours straight that night and you completely forget about the challenges that happened that day.
While we’re on the subject of poop and spit up -- there’s going to be a lot. Like that’s pretty much what your days will consist of for a few months: changing poopy diapers and looking down to find spit up on your shirt. And just when you think you’re on top of it and they have a clean diaper on and you have a clean shirt on, they’ll poop again and spit up on you. It’s like they sense when things are feelin fresh, and they’d prefer it how it was. Also, if you’re someone who thinks poop and spit up (or boogers) are “gross”, I can 99% guarantee you will learn to not care at all. Anyone who knows me would consider me an extremely “germ-conscious” person, but when it comes to Kyndrik, I could care less.
Don’t turn away help. If someone offers to bring you a meal, let them. If someone offers to sit with your baby for an hour while you go shower or nap, let them. If someone wants to cook for you, let them. “It takes a village to raise a child” -- that is the absolute truth, especially with a newborn. Like I said earlier, your mental health should be at the top of your priority list, so if receiving or asking for help will bring you any sort of relief, DO IT. *Also, remember the help others give you and reciprocate that when people you know are raising their babe. You will realize how challenging it can be, so offer that support to someone else even if they don’t ask.
Postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety and “baby blues” are real and are very common. Don’t feel like you are alone. Don’t feel like you have to hide it or act like you’re okay if you’re struggling. Read about them and become aware of signs and symptoms, because YOU being mentally and emotionally healthy should be at the top of your priority list, especially when caring for a newborn. Take care of yourself and put energy into yourself, not just the beautiful human you just gave birth to. They need you at your best and they depend on you, so do it for them if nothing else.
While we’re on the subject of postpartum -- OUR BODIES WILL CHANGE and they will ALL be different. For me, I have wider hips, more dimples, loose skin, and if I’m being honest, things are just a lot more… jello-like. And I’ve learned to be okay with it, embrace it, and keep in mind that I GREW A HUMAN! That is so special and magical and something I’m so proud of. Women are seriously amazing, and the fact that we can grow and birth a human is beautiful. So yes -- you should absolutely give yourself a goal to accomplish as far as your health and body goes, but don’t ever feel ashamed of your postpartum body.
There will be lots of outside perspectives and opinions from other people -- but YOU know what is best for your child. You can gladly accept advice and suggestions from others, but you (and your spouse) are the only people who truly knows what’s best, what they need, what they don’t need, when they’re not seeming like themselves, etc. So always know that your opinion and your gut feeling is what you should listen to.
You’re both learning as you go. Your baby is learning so many new things every single day. Your baby is growing in so many ways. Your baby is trying to figure out life as they go. But so are YOU! We’re new moms -- so unless you’re some super, magical, amazing woman (which HOLLA if you are), you’re learning something new everyday as well. Don’t feel discouraged if something doesn’t work for your babe, you make a mistake or any other challenge happens throughout the day. You’re learning and growing every single day right along with your tiny human.
Rest when they rest. I’m going to say it again for the people in the back -- REST WHEN THEY REST. That doesn’t mean you necessarily have to nap, but rest. Sit down, take a shower, eat a hot meal, read a book, drink a cup of coffee, watch your favorite show, ANYTHING that relaxes you. I know the urge to clean up the house or do laundry or something productive is strong, but fight the urge. I’m not saying you shouldn’t ever clean your house, because we all know we would go insane and things would start to get out of control. But at least take 30 minutes or so to yourself. And I know from experience, the “I’m just going to clean one area and then rest” idea doesn’t work. As soon as you get done cleaning and sit down to rest, your baby will wake up. It never fails. So take the 30 minutes, THEN worry about your house if your little angel allows it. I promise you won’t regret it.
Coffee, getting ready, making food, showering: you’ll learn to accept that these things will no longer be as they were before. You may drink your coffee cold more often than you imagine. There have been days where I’ve reheated the same cup of coffee 5 times. If you picture yourself drinking an iced coffee from Starbucks, it starts to taste pretty good. Unless you’re an overachiever-superwoman (or you use a wrap of some kind) your “getting ready” may consist of brushing your teeth, washing your face, and maybe changing your clothes into another set of pajama-like, comfy clothes. Preparing food one-handed will become a talent only other moms can relate to. I feel pretty accomplished with all the things I can make using one hand, while holding Kyndrik in the other. And showering… good luck. For a while, showering for longer than 2 minutes felt like I was at the spa. Like I said earlier, if someone offers to sit with your baby while you shower, DON’T TURN IT DOWN. Otherwise, you may have to become pretty creative with your shower times.
The last thing I’ve learned… time goes by way too fast. That might seem like an obvious statement that you’ve heard people say a million times, but when it comes to your baby, I’ve never heard anything more true. I feel like we were just in the hospital, seeing her perfect face for the first time, feeding her for the first time, changing her diaper for the first time, bringing her home for the first time. And now, our little queen is about to be ONE. I’ve watched her learn so many new things, grow in so many ways, and become such a wild, fun and happy girl. It’s such a bittersweet feeling seeing her grow so quickly, but it has been the absolute best, most fulfilling and rewarding time of my life.
To all you new moms or soon-to-be new moms,
you got this!
We are one of a kind and I hope that you never feel anything less than amazing, resilient, beautiful and powerful.
I’d love to hear things that you’ve learned as a new mom in the comments below OR things that you have questions about if you’re going to be a new mama.