Joy > Happiness
Clinging to permanent joy, instead of temporary happiness during times of struggle
This is for you. It’s okay to not be okay. And guess what, it’s okay if people KNOW you are not okay. That seems like such a simple, obvious thing to say, but I know that we try to seem okay way too often. I know from personal experience and from people close to me - we have all tried so hard to put on a facade of happiness at times where we have felt like we can’t even make it through the day. *Side note- I will never journal about something that I have not experienced in some way- so everything I am saying is coming from a place of complete understanding and compassion* With it being Mental Health Awareness Month, I thought this would be such a good topic to discuss and share my thoughts on.
Why is it that we all try to seem like we are in a happy state of mind, when in reality we are fighting off depression, anxiety, negative thoughts, discouragement or insecurities?
I think, for the most part, it has to do with other people and how they may perceive you. Which sounds kind of crazy - as we are dealing with struggles of our own, we then add more pressure on ourselves just so we can hide those emotions so that other people think we are okay.
We see other people “seeming okay” or their lives looking perfect (false perception due to social media) so we have to be looked at in the same light. It’s almost like we are all going in circles, each of us putting on a facade of happiness 90% of the time, then the next person feels they have to do the same. I have been so guilty of this! I have gone through a lot, I have struggled a lot, I have suffered from depression and anxiety (something I am working on becoming more vulnerable about), and there are people in my inner circle that have no idea of what I’ve been through or what struggles I have dealt with. I have become so good at seeming like I am happy and like I have everything together, which is not healthy (in my opinion).
Let’s me stop for a second and say this- I am in NO way saying that everyone should know your business, especially on social media. I’m not saying that every person in your life should know all of your daily struggles. I’m also not saying that you need to walk around looking upset so that everyone can tell something is wrong.
But I do think it’s okay if you open up to people close to you about what you’re going through; I do think it’s okay if you feel like you want to share something you’ve been through on social media in hopes to bring awareness or help someone else through similar circumstances; I do think it’s MORE than okay to go talk with a counselor or therapist- all of these things are healthy and things that we need to normalize. In doing those things, it would make other people feel like they’re not alone and probably inspire other people to do the same.
I want to talk to the mamas real quick. If you want to skip past this because you’re not a mom (or you just don’t care to read this part), continue on to the next paragraph. Mamas- IT IS OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY. I need to hear it. You need to hear it. We have so much on our plates, so many things expected of us, so many different roles to play to our babies/children. How in the world would you expect yourself to always be okay, seem happy or have it all together?! It’s okay if you’re having a hard day and need to sit in the bathroom or the shower for a quick break. It’s okay if you are feeling discouraged and need some reassurance from your spouse or friend or family member. It’s okay if you didn’t get everything done around the house that you wanted to. It’s okay if you order pizza or takeout because you’re too exhausted to cook. It’s okay if you are feel like crying- LET IT OUT. It’s okay if you need extra snuggles from your babies or an extra long hug from your spouse. You are a superwoman, and I mean that with everything. We are all going through similar struggles, and I never want you to think that you’re alone or that you’re the only one feeling discouraged. And in my opinion, if we would all be more open and kind, and less judgemental about how one mama is doing something or what she’s feeding her kids or how messy their house looks, we would all feel a little less pressure. So just know that I see how hard you’re working, I know you’re doing the best you can, and I know that you are a strong and resilient woman, even on days when you’re not okay.
Now that you *hopefully* know you’re not the only one, that it’s okay for you to have days where you’re not okay and that if people know you’re struggling- it’s not a negative thing (it would actually make someone else feel like they are not alone and that they can relate to someone, and hopefully end this cycle that we’re all in of trying to suppress our emotions and keep up the facade of happiness at all times). Anyways, now that we are all on the same page, what do we do now?
Pick yourself back up, try to overcome the circumstance, and find joy that can guide you through those hard days. Not happiness- JOY.
I am currently reading a book called “She’s Still in There” and I just read a chapter that punched me in the gut, in the best way possible. The author talked about finding things that bring you joy, based on these three aspects- Senses, Significance and Spirit. To sum it up: the first was Senses, and she guides you to think about and write things down that bring you joy and fills your soul based on your five senses (touch, smell, sight, hearing and taste) - so for me, a few of mine were fresh flowers or plants, sitting outside, music, a clean space and taking pictures. Next is joy through your Significance - which is pretty much anything that has to do with interactions and relationships with other people, and how they make us feel. “The simple joy of significant relationships will spark a wonderful sense of satisfaction in your soul”. Last, is the Spirit - here’s where the gut punching came in. She explained that the joy filling your soul through your Senses or Significance is temporary; that type of joy doesn’t last. And that our connection and interaction with God- through prayer, His word, and living our life through Him- is the only source of joy that is permanent. Even if you are going through a horrible situation or time in your life and your happiness is gone, your joy will still be there to get you through those times. I think I finished that chapter with my mouth wide open because I felt like she (and God) was talking right to me.
So here’s what I hope you took from this:
It’s okay to not be okay
It’s okay if other people KNOW that you’re not okay
Other people knowing that you’re struggling might inspire and help them
It’s healthy and very normal to talk about your emotions and seek help if you need it
During your tough circumstances and everyday struggles, you have to pick yourself up and cling to what fills your soul with JOY, because happiness is temporary
You are stronger than you give yourself credit for!